i can't use the shift key

first posts are awkward. like. i don't know what to write, and then i begin rambling. i'm first going to start of with: i have no idea how to use this site. i've been using tumblr for around two years, and i'd create a new blog whenever i really felt like it. i've probably had around ten tumblr blogs since i started using the site. but i decided i need something new. tumblr is full of photos of people with no clothes on anyway, no matter who you follow.

so i have aspergers syndrome. i was diagnosed in may 2011, when i was thirteen and a half years old. it all came to be when i attempted suicide (not my first, and not my last) and people found out, the school found out, they told my parents, they forced my parents to take me to a psychiatrist. i went to this psychiatrist a few times before he told me that i have aspergers. i didn't really know what it was, i knew there was this guy at my school with it and he and i were nothing alike, i didn't think we had the same thing. but then he told me aspergers in males affect their behavior more, and girls their mental processes. but some characteristics are often seen in both girls and boys. so i guess there's a completely different diagnostic criteria for boys and girls. i was also diagnosed with undifferentiated psychosis and undifferentiated neurosis, because i have a habit of hallucinating, delusions, being sad, being obsessive, being hyperactive, and having intense mood swings that make me both suicidal and homicidal. 

eventually i was being set up for disability care, teacher aids in school, and all my teachers started treating me differently. some got meaner, some got nicer, some avoided me more, and some treated me like i always need help with the work. which i did, but i never got that help in the past.

i'm still seeing the same doctor that diagnosed me. i liked it at first, but now walking into that hospital is like hell. because i just know how the next hour is going to go: i tell him how my past couple weeks have been since i've seen him, talk about how i suck at school and how i have so many ambitions but the victorian school system is pure crap so it's so much harder to live up to those ambitions, and then the hour is over.

i was diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder and depression when i was eight years in april 2006 after basically panicking and depressing myself into an almost-dead stage. i was in hospital for about a week being pumped with electrolytes, iv nutrients, antibiotics, and also had a ng tube down my throat. i still have anxiety and panic attacks everyday, and i'm still extremely depressed.

so that's my diagnosis story. have a nice day :)