how i know i have aspergers.

i was diagnosed with aspergers in may 2011, i was 13 years old. after i was diagnosed and learned more about it there's so many things that make so much more sense now.

until i was about 12 i'd block my ears in many situations. when bathroom hand-dryers were on, in the car, walking past a busy road, walking past construction, and just anything loud. when i was really young i'd even block my ears when i sneezed, coughed, or yawned.

i could never make friends. no matter how hard i tried, friends would never come. i've had probably one friend throughout kindergarten, primary school, and high school, but even she probably hated me for the most part, we were family friends. when i was in grade one, someone in my class did something that put the whole class into hysterics, it was hilarious. one day, a similar situation presented itself, so i decided to make the same joke, and i was made fun of. i swear i didn't do anything differently. i'd ask to play with someone, and then they'd tell me i'm being rude, i swear i'm acting the same as everyone else! eventually i just wanted to be alone. when i was seven i found some imaginary friends, and i still have those imaginary friends. they're real people, they don't look like anyone in particular, but they never excluded me, because they basically were me.

i live in a totally different world. my coping mechanism for life if not living in the real world. i have a whole different life, different friends, no family. it's not a perfect life, i have had some terrible experiences and times in that life, this makes it more realistic. this life is very time consuming, because obviously i can't get anything from this life done when i'm living a different life, because that'd confuse everything. i'd be a lot more productive without it, but then again, i probably wouldn't be alive without it.

i'm obsessed with medicine and random facts about anything. i'm on verge of memorizing all the arteries in the human body. i can name all the muscles, bones, organs. i'm obsessed with disease, especially cancer. i can tell you almost anything about cancer. i can tell you a lot about things to do with the human body. i know the exact treatment procedures for over forty different cancers for people of different ages, grading, and expectations. i can properly read CBC test results, i can name all the types of blood cells, and all the types of blood cells within blood cells, and so on. i'd love to be an oncologist, but the only problem is...i SUCK at math. so i'm going to settle for a clinical psychologist, still diagnosing and treating people, just less messy and a lot easier.

i'm antisocial. i don't like people. if i had the choice, i'd never speak to a person again. if i was put into solitary confinement in prison, it'd be a reward, not a punishment. it's not a personal thing, i do like people for who they are, i think people are friendly and easy to be around, but i'd prefer to not be around anybody, ever. in fact, we have two families at our house right now, and instead of being with my friends i'm sitting in my room writing this.

i'm a person of habit. diagnosed with OCD, but a lot of aspies have this. everything has to stay the same. i have to always use the exact same brand and model of pens, everything has to be perfectly neat. i get everything done all the time so it's all consistent. i do things at the same time everyday, i eat the same things. i do the same subjects every year. it's tough for me to add something new into my schedule. it makes me very uneasy.

i'm too anxious and scared. i was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety disorder in 2006, at age 8 after developing a fear of food which resulted in hospitalization and treatment for kidney infection and sepsis blood infection. food basically made me pass out. that fear hasn't totally gone away, it's gotten better since i started taking sertraline in 2011. since the hospitalization, my diet became very limited. i've always had a fear of vomiting. i don't like chicken because chicken causes more food poisoning than any other meat. i stopped eating all fruit because i became allergic to kiwi which made my face blow up and made me vomit a few times. i went without fruit for 4 years until i decided to eat an apple one day. slowly i've gotten more confident with food, and i can now eat apples, bananas, sultanas, grapes, strawberries, apricots, pineapple, blueberries, blackberries, blackcurrants, raspberries, watermelon, and cantaloupe. though i'm still terrified of vomiting, i've sort of realized that many things won't actually make me sick.

i annoy myself. i'm not sure this is an aspie thing, because i've never actually heard of this. as much as people annoy the crap out of me, i annoy myself just as much. i cannot stand the sound of me chewing, it makes me want to rip out my teeth, and i cannot stand the sound of my breathing. i'm not a loud breather, thank goodness, but because i've had a cold for the past 11 weeks, and every other time i have a cold, i get so dang annoyed at my heavy and whistling breathing, so much i can't sleep.

there's a lot more things, but this thing is already super long, so yeah. bye!