hello people of the internet! so basically this morning i had an anxiety attack, but it was worse than usual...it turned into some psychotic breakdown, ripped out some [a lot] of my hair and yeah, we needed to fix it up. so my mum's friend, who is amazing, fit me in and she fixed my hair up, it's super short, but i love it. i still have a bald patch, but i can cover it.
it looks almost the same as it did from the front because i always tied my hair back, but it feels amazing lol.
Showing posts with label aspergers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aspergers. Show all posts
i was diagnosed with aspergers in may 2011, i was 13 years old. after i was diagnosed and learned more about it there's so many things that make so much more sense now.
until i was about 12 i'd block my ears in many situations. when bathroom hand-dryers were on, in the car, walking past a busy road, walking past construction, and just anything loud. when i was really young i'd even block my ears when i sneezed, coughed, or yawned.
i could never make friends. no matter how hard i tried, friends would never come. i've had probably one friend throughout kindergarten, primary school, and high school, but even she probably hated me for the most part, we were family friends. when i was in grade one, someone in my class did something that put the whole class into hysterics, it was hilarious. one day, a similar situation presented itself, so i decided to make the same joke, and i was made fun of. i swear i didn't do anything differently. i'd ask to play with someone, and then they'd tell me i'm being rude, i swear i'm acting the same as everyone else! eventually i just wanted to be alone. when i was seven i found some imaginary friends, and i still have those imaginary friends. they're real people, they don't look like anyone in particular, but they never excluded me, because they basically were me.
i live in a totally different world. my coping mechanism for life if not living in the real world. i have a whole different life, different friends, no family. it's not a perfect life, i have had some terrible experiences and times in that life, this makes it more realistic. this life is very time consuming, because obviously i can't get anything from this life done when i'm living a different life, because that'd confuse everything. i'd be a lot more productive without it, but then again, i probably wouldn't be alive without it.
i'm obsessed with medicine and random facts about anything. i'm on verge of memorizing all the arteries in the human body. i can name all the muscles, bones, organs. i'm obsessed with disease, especially cancer. i can tell you almost anything about cancer. i can tell you a lot about things to do with the human body. i know the exact treatment procedures for over forty different cancers for people of different ages, grading, and expectations. i can properly read CBC test results, i can name all the types of blood cells, and all the types of blood cells within blood cells, and so on. i'd love to be an oncologist, but the only problem is...i SUCK at math. so i'm going to settle for a clinical psychologist, still diagnosing and treating people, just less messy and a lot easier.
i'm antisocial. i don't like people. if i had the choice, i'd never speak to a person again. if i was put into solitary confinement in prison, it'd be a reward, not a punishment. it's not a personal thing, i do like people for who they are, i think people are friendly and easy to be around, but i'd prefer to not be around anybody, ever. in fact, we have two families at our house right now, and instead of being with my friends i'm sitting in my room writing this.
i'm a person of habit. diagnosed with OCD, but a lot of aspies have this. everything has to stay the same. i have to always use the exact same brand and model of pens, everything has to be perfectly neat. i get everything done all the time so it's all consistent. i do things at the same time everyday, i eat the same things. i do the same subjects every year. it's tough for me to add something new into my schedule. it makes me very uneasy.
i'm too anxious and scared. i was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety disorder in 2006, at age 8 after developing a fear of food which resulted in hospitalization and treatment for kidney infection and sepsis blood infection. food basically made me pass out. that fear hasn't totally gone away, it's gotten better since i started taking sertraline in 2011. since the hospitalization, my diet became very limited. i've always had a fear of vomiting. i don't like chicken because chicken causes more food poisoning than any other meat. i stopped eating all fruit because i became allergic to kiwi which made my face blow up and made me vomit a few times. i went without fruit for 4 years until i decided to eat an apple one day. slowly i've gotten more confident with food, and i can now eat apples, bananas, sultanas, grapes, strawberries, apricots, pineapple, blueberries, blackberries, blackcurrants, raspberries, watermelon, and cantaloupe. though i'm still terrified of vomiting, i've sort of realized that many things won't actually make me sick.
i annoy myself. i'm not sure this is an aspie thing, because i've never actually heard of this. as much as people annoy the crap out of me, i annoy myself just as much. i cannot stand the sound of me chewing, it makes me want to rip out my teeth, and i cannot stand the sound of my breathing. i'm not a loud breather, thank goodness, but because i've had a cold for the past 11 weeks, and every other time i have a cold, i get so dang annoyed at my heavy and whistling breathing, so much i can't sleep.
there's a lot more things, but this thing is already super long, so yeah. bye!
until i was about 12 i'd block my ears in many situations. when bathroom hand-dryers were on, in the car, walking past a busy road, walking past construction, and just anything loud. when i was really young i'd even block my ears when i sneezed, coughed, or yawned.
i could never make friends. no matter how hard i tried, friends would never come. i've had probably one friend throughout kindergarten, primary school, and high school, but even she probably hated me for the most part, we were family friends. when i was in grade one, someone in my class did something that put the whole class into hysterics, it was hilarious. one day, a similar situation presented itself, so i decided to make the same joke, and i was made fun of. i swear i didn't do anything differently. i'd ask to play with someone, and then they'd tell me i'm being rude, i swear i'm acting the same as everyone else! eventually i just wanted to be alone. when i was seven i found some imaginary friends, and i still have those imaginary friends. they're real people, they don't look like anyone in particular, but they never excluded me, because they basically were me.
i live in a totally different world. my coping mechanism for life if not living in the real world. i have a whole different life, different friends, no family. it's not a perfect life, i have had some terrible experiences and times in that life, this makes it more realistic. this life is very time consuming, because obviously i can't get anything from this life done when i'm living a different life, because that'd confuse everything. i'd be a lot more productive without it, but then again, i probably wouldn't be alive without it.
i'm obsessed with medicine and random facts about anything. i'm on verge of memorizing all the arteries in the human body. i can name all the muscles, bones, organs. i'm obsessed with disease, especially cancer. i can tell you almost anything about cancer. i can tell you a lot about things to do with the human body. i know the exact treatment procedures for over forty different cancers for people of different ages, grading, and expectations. i can properly read CBC test results, i can name all the types of blood cells, and all the types of blood cells within blood cells, and so on. i'd love to be an oncologist, but the only problem is...i SUCK at math. so i'm going to settle for a clinical psychologist, still diagnosing and treating people, just less messy and a lot easier.
i'm antisocial. i don't like people. if i had the choice, i'd never speak to a person again. if i was put into solitary confinement in prison, it'd be a reward, not a punishment. it's not a personal thing, i do like people for who they are, i think people are friendly and easy to be around, but i'd prefer to not be around anybody, ever. in fact, we have two families at our house right now, and instead of being with my friends i'm sitting in my room writing this.
i'm a person of habit. diagnosed with OCD, but a lot of aspies have this. everything has to stay the same. i have to always use the exact same brand and model of pens, everything has to be perfectly neat. i get everything done all the time so it's all consistent. i do things at the same time everyday, i eat the same things. i do the same subjects every year. it's tough for me to add something new into my schedule. it makes me very uneasy.
i'm too anxious and scared. i was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety disorder in 2006, at age 8 after developing a fear of food which resulted in hospitalization and treatment for kidney infection and sepsis blood infection. food basically made me pass out. that fear hasn't totally gone away, it's gotten better since i started taking sertraline in 2011. since the hospitalization, my diet became very limited. i've always had a fear of vomiting. i don't like chicken because chicken causes more food poisoning than any other meat. i stopped eating all fruit because i became allergic to kiwi which made my face blow up and made me vomit a few times. i went without fruit for 4 years until i decided to eat an apple one day. slowly i've gotten more confident with food, and i can now eat apples, bananas, sultanas, grapes, strawberries, apricots, pineapple, blueberries, blackberries, blackcurrants, raspberries, watermelon, and cantaloupe. though i'm still terrified of vomiting, i've sort of realized that many things won't actually make me sick.
i annoy myself. i'm not sure this is an aspie thing, because i've never actually heard of this. as much as people annoy the crap out of me, i annoy myself just as much. i cannot stand the sound of me chewing, it makes me want to rip out my teeth, and i cannot stand the sound of my breathing. i'm not a loud breather, thank goodness, but because i've had a cold for the past 11 weeks, and every other time i have a cold, i get so dang annoyed at my heavy and whistling breathing, so much i can't sleep.
there's a lot more things, but this thing is already super long, so yeah. bye!
this is a topic i've thought about a lot. when people find out i have aspergers, or even just hear the word. the assume i don't feel empathy or sympathy. this may be the case for some people, but honestly, i just don't know how to express empathy and sympathy in words and actions.
for example:
when my great nanna passed and my parents told me. i kinda said a really fake "aww". i was devastated, and i wasn't in shock because we'd all been preparing for it for around a year (she had ovarian cancer). i didn't really cry either, i have no idea why.
for example:
when my great nanna passed and my parents told me. i kinda said a really fake "aww". i was devastated, and i wasn't in shock because we'd all been preparing for it for around a year (she had ovarian cancer). i didn't really cry either, i have no idea why.
first posts are awkward. like. i don't know what to write, and then i begin rambling. i'm first going to start of with: i have no idea how to use this site. i've been using tumblr for around two years, and i'd create a new blog whenever i really felt like it. i've probably had around ten tumblr blogs since i started using the site. but i decided i need something new. tumblr is full of photos of people with no clothes on anyway, no matter who you follow.
so i have aspergers syndrome. i was diagnosed in may 2011, when i was thirteen and a half years old. it all came to be when i attempted suicide (not my first, and not my last) and people found out, the school found out, they told my parents, they forced my parents to take me to a psychiatrist. i went to this psychiatrist a few times before he told me that i have aspergers. i didn't really know what it was, i knew there was this guy at my school with it and he and i were nothing alike, i didn't think we had the same thing. but then he told me aspergers in males affect their behavior more, and girls their mental processes. but some characteristics are often seen in both girls and boys. so i guess there's a completely different diagnostic criteria for boys and girls. i was also diagnosed with undifferentiated psychosis and undifferentiated neurosis, because i have a habit of hallucinating, delusions, being sad, being obsessive, being hyperactive, and having intense mood swings that make me both suicidal and homicidal.
eventually i was being set up for disability care, teacher aids in school, and all my teachers started treating me differently. some got meaner, some got nicer, some avoided me more, and some treated me like i always need help with the work. which i did, but i never got that help in the past.
i'm still seeing the same doctor that diagnosed me. i liked it at first, but now walking into that hospital is like hell. because i just know how the next hour is going to go: i tell him how my past couple weeks have been since i've seen him, talk about how i suck at school and how i have so many ambitions but the victorian school system is pure crap so it's so much harder to live up to those ambitions, and then the hour is over.
i was diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder and depression when i was eight years in april 2006 after basically panicking and depressing myself into an almost-dead stage. i was in hospital for about a week being pumped with electrolytes, iv nutrients, antibiotics, and also had a ng tube down my throat. i still have anxiety and panic attacks everyday, and i'm still extremely depressed.
so that's my diagnosis story. have a nice day :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
